prologue

6/22/2006 7:18 PM
Oftentimes it’s how you say it

My name is Mike. I am 38 years old; I will have been married for exactly 10½ years tomorrow to Kathy. Our only child Arjanne Gabrielle will be 9½ tomorrow. She was born on our first year anniversary, December 23, 1996. Oh, Arjanne is pronounced “Aryan”, just so you guys know.

It’s Thursday evening here at home. Home, by the way, is in Las Piñas. It’s a small city in the Southern suburbs of Manila, in the Philippines. Arjanne has a science quiz tomorrow. She and Kathy are studying the solar system. I look for a book about it in the other room. I come back to find the television on.

Arjanne insists on watching TV while studying so I reprimand her. It happens again. I raise my voice and she is close to tears. I wish I had done it in a more civil way.

Arjanne goes to the bathroom. Kathy reminds me to just remind her in a softer, kinder tone.

It’s almost an everyday struggle. I try and try though. I have faith and I know it will get better.

I love my family very, very much.

6/23/2006 7:22 AM
It takes a lot of faith

The past 2 months have been what I would call a better understanding & a strong renewal of my faith … faith in God, in Jesus, and in the Holy Spirit.

Here I am- currently unemployed. Kathy and I having practically zero income for the last year. Things got this way because we wanted a better life and a brighter future for Arjanne.

In the second half of 2004, I quit my regular job to go fulltime with our business. It was a very tough decision to make. At that time, I had been an employee for more than 15 years. Change is difficult. It both feels right and not right. But there are definitely things more important than a stable job. Kathy and I were a bit hesitant but I was already tired and I thought that spending more time with her and Arjanne was worth it. My wife was with me all the way when I finally tendered my resignation.

The business was good. Our income grew steadily because we were very devoted to it. Business took me as far as Quezon Province in the South, Pangasinan in the North, and the islands of Cebu & Palawan almost weekly.

Then things turned around.

Our principal partner “pulled out” which forced us to close down in late 2005. We refused to give up though. Along with some good friends as partners, we decided to explore other opportunities. We ventured into real estate, fuel, trading, website development, and others. I did not want to go back to being just an employee.

But things continue to get tougher.

My partners and I have several business deals that have yet to materialize. Things just seem to refuse to fall into place. On Tuesday last week, just when we thought our biggest transaction would finally be closed, a key client backed out during final negotiations. We had been working on this deal for more than 2 months and now it seems as though our best efforts were all in vain. What is painful is the fact that everything was very positive up to the moment when it all fell apart.

Last Wednesday, June 21, 2006, we gave up our car. That car was sort of an advanced, surprise Christmas gift for Arjanne when we got it in October 2004. She was very excited about it and loved it from the very first time she saw it. We used part of my separation pay to make the down payment but, because our main business closed down, we could not keep up with the mortgage payments any more.

A few weeks ago when I first told my daughter about our plan to “surrender” our car to the bank, I could clearly see how she tried holding back her tears. I was doing the same as I explained to her about sacrifice.

Sacrifice, I thought, is not something to teach my daughter at her young age. But that is how things are. We were at the mall a few months back and we visited a toy store. Arjanne promised not to ask me to buy anything. She would just look around, she said. Of course, she did approach me, a few minutes later, holding something she wanted me to buy for her. I don’t recall what the toy was but it was worth about 100 pesos (around US$1.80). I told her that we didn’t have enough to pay for it. Her face dropped. I felt that I broke my daughter’s heart, and mine, at that moment.

It takes a lot of faith to believe that everything that IS is meant to be. God planned for all these things to happen. That is what I believe. That is my faith. I used to ask the Lord why Arjanne has to suffer, why she has to endure these things at her age. When I am sick and in pain, I tell God that I will accept what I am going through just as long as my family is spared from similar suffering. That is how much I love them.

I still pray that they be spared from suffering but now it is a heartfelt request. I have come to realize that I cannot and should not bargain with God because he uses everything for his divine plan. My faith tells me in my heart that I, Kathy, and Arjanne are all going through all this for a reason. I now accept that, either together as a family or individually, these things have significance and purpose in our lives.

As I am writing this (9:34 AM), I think God just spoke to my heart. He told me that Arjanne is learning persistence from Kathy and me. She is learning the importance of trusting God’s never-ending goodness, believing that hope is essential, and that love endures everything.

6/25/2006 10:29 PM
Feeling God’s joy

We’re back home from my in-laws’ house. We live 3 blocks from them and usually spend weekends there.

It’s Sunday night and there’s school tomorrow but Kathy & I allowed Arjanne to stay up a bit longer to watch a TV movie musical on the Disney Channel that she’s waited for more than a month now. She was very happy about the whole thing. So were we. Seeing her joy & excitement while she was watching the movie made us smile.

I am sure it is the same with God.

He is the source of our triumphs, our successes in life. And it brings him much joy when we celebrate because of what he has given us. Maybe he does not even need to hear our prayer of thanks. Most probably, seeing that we are glad and enjoying his blessings is enough thanks for him.

6/26/2006 11:07 AM
Everything is related

It rained the whole day yesterday (Sunday) and it was still raining lightly when we left my in-laws’ place to go home. We had an umbrella but the rain had caused a good part of the street to get muddy. Arjanne was complaining that some mud was getting in her feet through her rubber slippers. Actually, the three of us were experiencing the same uncomfortable feeling. I blamed myself for the situation we were in. I only wanted a better life for my family. How could I have let them down and experience this? Why did we have to lose our car? Then I am made aware again of the purpose of things.

Almost everyday we are given the opportunity to be of service to others, whether they are our own family, friends or strangers. That uncomfortable walk in the rain made me realize the opportunities I missed to serve my own family. That uncomfortable walk in the rain could have been avoided if I only did everything that needed to be done- the phone calls I did not make, the clients I did not follow-up on, the contacts I avoided. I think it was because of fear (“This client is too big for me. Why would he want to do business with me?”) and, at times, pride (“This transaction is too small for me. I want something that will make me an instant millionaire!”).

The intent was there: to give them a better life. But there was little effort.

And now, Kathy, Arjanne and I are walking home in the rain.

Opportunities in our lifetime are everywhere. I think the best opportunity; the opportunity to be of service to someone will always be there. Be aware of it and render service the best way that you can.

6/27/2006 7:09 AM
Ampop

My grandfather passed away on June 9 this year. I call him Ampop; because I think I had trouble pronouncing Grandpa or Grandpop when I was still a toddler. And I have called him that ever since. Ampop and Granny lived in Naga City, Camarines Sur; which is in the South and about 450 kilometers traveling by land.

When we were kids my cousin, Jonas, and I used to visit and stay with Granny & Ampop every summer. We would take 12-hour train or bus rides to get there and we had a lot of fun during those vacations. Computers, the internet and cable TV were still unheard of so we would be running around the ancestral home doing all kinds of stuff. We even had our own tree house which Ampop and one of his brothers built for us.

Evenings were spent playing scrabble with my grandparents and Auntie Nina, my father’s youngest sibling, lying on the huge lawn and stargazing, or just telling stories. Ampop was especially good at storytelling. He would tell us of how it was during the war when he served as 2nd lieutenant in the army. And he would share stories about his own kids, our fathers, when they were young. I remember he would recount how he and Granny met, both as teachers. Ampop had a passion for detail. He would remember days & dates, whether it was particularly sunny, and all that. We liked hearing his stories.Ampop was also very loving. I remember one day towards the end of one of those summers. I was still vacationing with my grandparents then. Jonas had gone back to Manila a few days earlier. There was a heavy downpour. Of course, I wasn’t allowed outside and was just watching through the tall glass windows how everything in the huge garden was getting drenched when I noticed Ampop, really busy with his hands, making something. I think he was trying to attach an old paper clip to what looked like a plastic butter dish. I was puzzled at first and then, after it was finished, saw that he had made me a little toy boat. We then put on our raincoats, went and played outside.

Ampop was a man for others. He strived for the welfare of his family. During his later years, he was working on several business deals and even shared with us his plans of renovating the old Naga house and buying horses for all his grandchildren, and just basically making sure that we could all live a comfortable life.

None of his plans ever saw fruition. He's gone now, but never will be forgotten. My grandfather, Ampop - the man for others.